"Meno- Madness"!!

This morning I was getting dressed as usual , and as I was in the bathroom using the hot curling iron I almost fainted as my body turned into a red burning piece of coal! YEP! another hot flash! I'm sure if I would have 'gone down' in a blaze of glory, the paramedics would have found me in a pool of sweat with some kind of distorted curling iron branding decorated into my face!

Now this kind of ridiculous life drama has gone on far to long. Living in denial ,I had thought maybe, just maybe I would be a lucky woman and not go through this torture of 'growing old gracefully'..NOT!..My mother seems so surprised that I go through this because in her words "Gosh, I never went through any of this, I never had a hot flash".........I wonder, is that supposed to make me feel better? Thanks mom! I have 2 sister's and we seem to be going through it at the same time. What a trio we make! Since mom loves to rub it in that she is menopauseless (yea, its not a word, big deal, you gonna argue with me?, NOT TODAY!!) I have come to the conclusion that either my sister's and I skipped a generation OR we are all adopted! I think its the latter.Somewhere out there is this childless elderly woman , skin hanging to her knees, sweating profusely, hair in patches, haggard and worn out from lack of sleep , half crazy and searching for estrogen! THAT IS our real mother!

Years ago, 'they' used to call having your period the 'curse'........I have to rethink this. OK so we start to bleed when we're 8 years old, big deal! We have a few cramps that mimic hard labor, whatever, we're tough! We get out of bed each morning for 7 days to discover our sheets now resemble a crime scene, we can handle it. We want to do bodily harm to anyone that comes near us for a few days, piece of cake...Those were the days of youth and beauty and childbirth!! a curse?? ummm....let me tell you about the CURSE!!

One Sunday I went to church as I did for many years and I opened my Bible to read a scripture and suddenly without any warning the words before me were blurry. I went to bed the night before and could see, this morning I need glasses! How does this happen? How do you get into bed seeing 20/20 and wake up not being able to friggin read! This was only the beginning of the transformation into menopause madness!

As time went by and my eyesight got worse I did see a doctor only to be told "this is normal" for my age..Going blind is normal? I used to pride myself of being able see like an eagle and now I squint and distort my face when reading a simple menu that I'm sure people around me must think I have some sort of neurological disorder. I must think by doing this that my eyes will suddenly return to normal BUT normal is forever gone. In the middle of the night, some strange dark and evil maniac came into my bedroom and stole my hormones! yep, the curse!!

Ever since then, life has been one endless battle after another to get them back! This is a battle that I believe I will not win but at least I can go down kicking and screaming. In one year I have gained 25 pounds, have more gray hair then brown, grew skin wings under my arms, and lost sight of my feet.. I haven't eaten a single thing either, I have gained it just looking at food! I live on a few pieces of fruit and yogurt and yet somehow this massive amount of food tipped my scale! After eating I suddenly look down and I cannot see my friggin feet! Where are my feet? My stomach will bloat from eating a cracker .I seriously look at least 7 months pregnant! tying my shoes, or bending over is a frustrating ordeal, as I'm sure my water will break any second! I can't imagine what would happen if I sat and ate a large meal like a bowl of soup! My whole body swells with just the smell of salt. I can't even go near the beach ,I might blow up! One day I fit in my jeans the next I don't, must have been that extra piece of celery I ate the day before! I dye the gray out of my hair at night and the next morning its back! How the hell does this happen? yep, its the Curse!!

Hot flashes! how can one describe a boiling of red hot lava steaming up inside your body that has only one mission...to kill yoooooou!! I'm convinced the evil doer that stole my hormones actually is on a mission to kill and destroy what is left of my once lovely body. What brought me to write about this is the last time I was standing in the bathroom trying to get dressed. I was holding the curling iron in one hand, comb in another and suddenly I could feel it! That rising of blood pressure, the sudden flush of hot death, my skin starting to burn from the inside out, the sensation of pins and needles on your flesh, the lightheadedness, and then there it is! The Hot Flash!! You stand there unable to move for a moment thinking surely this is the end of life! sweat running from pores you didn't even know you had, makeup melting like candle wax down your haggard face, my legs buckle beneath me as I actually feel faint, I quickly throw water on myself to put out the fire . I hunch over the sink, looking in the mirror as my body is literally red all over..I breathe slowly not to hyperventilate and pray that it ends or I die, whatever comes first! After a few minutes, it is gone...Then you are left with the damage repair. My hair matted with water and hairspray, Alice Cooper eyes, and sweat drenched clothes . What used to take a few minutes to dress and get ready for the day now takes hours due to the constant changing of clothes, make overs and clean up. The other day my husband and I were having a nice afternoon driving around in his car. Everything was fine and peaceful UNTIL the hot flash! Like a frantic lunatic I suddenly went from sweet wife to a psycho whack job, moving every vent on myself and thrusting the blowers to 'hurricane speed'! never giving it a thought that my kind husband was having his own heat stroke because there was no air going his way, he nervously asks me as he is gasping for a breath "honey, can I have some air now?...I look at him with red burning eyes of madness "NO"!! I'm sure he felt extreme fear as I know I turned into something resembling the Ghost Rider, yep..... a burning talking skeleton!! very attractive! ummmmmmmmmmm the curse.

I have had some suggest to just start exercising the weight away, walk, swim or jog! "it will make you feel better" they say.. Are you freaking kidding me? I live in Florida and a cool day here is about 80 degree's..I have tried it all from walking to swimming to even getting on a treadmill IN my air conditioned house WITH the fan blowing on me at high speed..Doing any of these things when the hot flash rears its ugly head is comparing it to getting into a sauna in the middle of the desert! AND yes you can have a hot flash while you are in a pool, or shower. During those times my body is very confused on what to do, I supposed its like lava pouring into the ocean, either I'm going to boil to death or turn into a piece of charcoal.
Walking during a hot flash is miserable, no where to go except down and then there's no one around to pick your lifeless body off the 150 degree asphalt. .

I had a friend tell me that a hot flash is actually our body 'searching for estrogen'..Apparently it wants to play hide and seek! When the body cannot find the estrogen it then throws a damn hissy fit and WHAM there is the hot flash! I visualize this hissy fit as our body grabbing a hot poker delightfully say "how do you like that bee- ach?, NOW where's my friggin estrogen?" The evil doer does not play fair because our body is searching for something that no longer exists! If estrogen is searching for something that used to resemble ovaries, you might as well forget it! game over! Raisins are not ovaries, and my uterus? oh, I think that fell out yesterday.

Sleeping is no longer a pleasant event for me..no no, I fear it..I lay out my essentials on the night stand. Water for dehydration, fan for air movement(even though the air temp is set at 60) , misting bottle (once used to mist my plants, now mists me) and a box of Kleenex. I used to sleep in the spoon position, silent, unmovable and calm..Now I move from side to side, wake up suddenly with a hot flash, throw off the covers, mist myself to put out the fire, stumble to put the fan on high but I can't see because of the water I just misted in my eyes, things go flying everywhere, I step on the dog, she growls, I guzzle some water, throw off clothes, then lay there exhausted trying to cool down.....Then I start to chill and shiver, I reach for the Kleenex to wipe off the water, bits of tissue stick to my body, I'm freezing and throw the covers back on and slowly dry and drift off to sleep until SUDDENLY!! yea, you get the picture....

My usual wake up call is a hot flash about 7:30 am. Fine way to greet the morning . I love the fresh feeling of a sweat pool between your breasts, and sheets peeled to your body like sticky fly paper as you climb out of bed in a daze from a night of 'hide and seek' and torture with the evil one! My eyes are swollen half shut , my sinuses clogged, and I can't breathe out of my nose from the fan blowing dust in my face all night. Parts of the bed and pillow are still damp from watering myself all night, I'm picking pieces of kleenex off me, the bed, the dog and the floor. With my body trying to destroying itself , and my husband's snoring I usually get about 2o minutes of blissful sleep, oh I'm being dramatic, ......I get 30 minutes...Then the routine starts all over again..

I honestly feel that someday my body will implode from within and then actually burst from a spontaneous combustion.There I will be, all that is left of me ,a small pile of ash on the bathroom floor! My final hot flash! I have often told my family, "if you happen to see this pile, don't worry, its just me, it was quick...Just sweep me up in the dust pan and say goodbye"..No need for cremation, as my body took care of it on its own!

So as I have re-thought the curse question I cannot honestly agree that keeping and having your hormones is the curse..Losing them IS! it is the start of a slow process into menopausal madness. 'They' say men go through their own menopause? What happens to them? a few wrinkles?" whatever! they look better with a few gray hairs and age on them...Men age well... Oh yes, the lovely 'golden years'...what the hell does that mean? What is graceful and golden about losing your friggin mind at 50 years old! Men get to look like Sean Connery and we look like Maxine... My hormones are gone, and my body wants to destroy itself by becoming an open fire pit! yep, it pretty much sounds like a curse to me!! Check please!!!

"Starting my day with some help"

I wanted to post this link on my blog and again suggest everyone to click on it and save it for your daily 'lift'..I have found it very rewarding, enlightening and quite enjoyable.


One Year Bible Blog

It's a wonderful read each morning with a delightful song as well. In this stressful and anxious world we live in there has to be a place where one can find some refuge and peace, if only for a few minutes. Try it for awhile, it will make a difference in your day!


God enters by a private door into each individual. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

God and other artists are always a little obscure. ~Oscar Wilde

My nephew is a very talented artist. He has recently made his dream come true by creating a website and painting full time from his home and work shop. Please take a few minutes and view his Gallery. StudioConstantine.com
He plans on showcasing his work in the summer with a lovely "show" in Harmony, Florida.
It will be a wonderful evening full of art, music, wine and celebration. For those that are close by I hope you will join us. I will keep you updated once the invitations are sent out! If you love art, you will love his amazing work!



Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in. ~Amy Lowell

"response from Washington state"

Fred got a response regarding his letter that I posted here the other day! It is always great to put your words out there and be a voice and it is validated with a concerned reply. I have posted the response below:

From: Kelley.Troy@leg.wa.gov

Dear Fred,

Thank you for your email regarding the release of offenders. Public safety is a top priority for me, and that is why I joined the House Judiciary Committee this year. I realize that many offenders who have served their time are not yet ready to be released into our community. The Special Commitment Center on McNeil Island is a step in the right direction with regard to keeping sexual predators from entering back into society before they are rehabilitated. I would argue that we need to strengthen regulations within the Center to prevent its residents from making inappropriate calls, and I prime sponsored a bill that would have done that. As I discuss and review other legislation that will keep our families safe from repeat offenders, I will keep your concerns in mind. I appreciate your input.> > > Sincerely,> > > Troy> > > -----TO: Senator Mike Carrell> > CC: Representative Troy Kelley> Representative Tami Green

Fred also got a phone call from State Senator Mike Carrell last night. "We had a long talk about the entire criminal justice system last night. He didn't come out and say it, but reading between the lines I think the GPS tracking devices were some sort of experiment by the Governor's office to see if they could supervise electronically. He says he has a group of ordinary citizens who keep him in contact with public sentiment. He is sending me his cell phone, home phone, personal email, etc. so that I can join that group.
Fred"

It is fantastic that Fred's one email got so far!! One voice of passion can change a law and can make new ones!! Keep in up my friend!

"Letting the monster's out!"

I have a dear friend that lives in Washington state . He wrote me to tell me that his niece's best friend was murdered while walking home from a birthday party. She had decided to take a short cut through some near by woods and never made it home. His niece was with her friend but decided not to take the short cut and they separated. Hours later while searching for her, this sweet young girl was found by her own father! What a tragic devastating life drama.
Because this event hit so close to home for my friend he has written a letter to elected Representatives and Public Safety Officials in Washington. With his permission I have decided to put it on my blog ! It is vital that something drastic is done in our country ..We cannot allow sexual predator's and criminals to be released from prison only to hurt and kill again! Our current laws do not work..I grieve for my friend and his pain and pray for the family of this little girl who's life was stolen by a monster that should have NEVER been allowed to get out of his cage!

March 28, 2009

To my elected Representatives and Public Safety Officials,

A child was murdered. She was murdered by a convicted felon deemed extremely likely to re-offend. In accordance with public law, after release from prison, this felon was to be monitored by public safety officials.

I believe we all understand that the idea of sexual predator registries is a failed policy. The law, as it is currently written, fails to protect the public and fails to protect the released offenders. The public has a reasonable expectation of protection from known criminals who will likely re-offend. The offender, after release from prison, has a reasonable expectation of an opportunity to fit into mainstream society. The current laws do nothing to meet either expectation. Putting a felon’s name on a registry amounts to an admission that our current laws are inadequate.

When a consensus of medical experts concludes that a convicted criminal is likely to commit additional crimes, that criminal should not be released from prison. You may believe that prison is for punishment or that prison is for rehabilitation. I am suggesting that the primary function of prison, and indeed the entire public safety system, is to protect the public. Punishment and or rehabilitation are certainly admirable goals, but these goals are secondary to public safety.

If a prisoner is deemed to no longer be a threat to the public, that prisoner should be released and assisted with their entry into mainstream society. Keeping felons names and addresses on public registries assures that these released prisoners will never fit in. With their opportunities limited, many revert to a life of crime.

I would like to see a review of current laws regarding sexual predators. I am suggesting Washington State adopts new sentencing and parole guidelines. I believe we should have sentencing guidelines that are extremely tough, with parole guidelines that permit flexibility. I would suggest sentencing guidelines of 40-60 years for most sexual crimes. I would also suggest that after a very short (5 years) time, prisoners would be eligible for parole if they met certain medical criteria. When a team of medical experts determines the prisoner to no longer threaten public safety, then and only then the prisoner would be permitted to apply for parole. So long as the medical experts determine a prisoner to be a danger, any parole requests would be ineligible for a hearing.

We keep arresting the same people over and over. It is difficult for me to understand why we release them in the first place. I encourage you to deal with this problem in an effective manner and stop putting band-aids on a gaping wound.

Sincerely,

Fred Block

Thank you Fred for writing such a wonderful letter! I applaud you for your guts and devotion to this cause!

"and the Oscar goes to"

Well I wasn't sure I even wanted to blog about that endless night of ego's, the best and worse dressed, the speeches that turn into platform debates, and all the other drama that goes into producing the ultimate award show that gives away a naked gold man the size of a barbie doll to the best of the best. The best I ask , according to who? who decides? the Hollywood Foreign press? Price Waterhouse? I know its not the audience, that's another award show "the People's Choice", but then again..I don't ever remember being asked about that either..Who are the 'people' that get to choose? they didn't ask me.:(..ha ha, they wouldn't!
Anyway...this year, surprisingly I have to say was a better show. The set itself was beautiful and full of glamour. Hugh Jackman ( People Magazine's Sexiest man alive, Wolverine, Australia) was quite good as a first time host. My personal favorite's will always be Johnny Carson and Billy Crystal. Hugh's talents were showcased in many delightful musical numbers and he seemed generally at ease and comfortable and I must say he is certainly nice to look at!. His opening number was very entertaining until half way through the song the camera decided to show closeups of his face and his mouth was starting to create some white thrush on the corner's of his mouth. That was probably caused by dry mouth in his nervousness etc and I felt grossed out only because thrush seeping out of ones mouth grosses me out period!. Sorry Hugh, it wasn't personal... but thrush isn't pretty even if it is on the sexiest man alive! Camera man: pan away from his face! I'm sure after that he went back stage and drank water, lots of it... OK, where was I? Oh yea back to the golden ken doll. Well bottom line the show was way to long and we all know that right? Yes we do. So what did the producer decide to do? make it longer by adding these insane nomination speeches to each and every nominee by former winner's. Now I heard opinions afterward that some thought that special touch was wonderful but personally I thought "oh my gosh, how much more do these people need to be told how great they are?" what ever happened to " it is just an honor to be nominated?", list the nominee's , then open the envelope and give out the Oscar... But to go on and on to each nominee about how great they are on a personal level was over the top. For the love of god people they were not being given the "Pulitzer" !!
My personal surprises was that Mickey Rourke didn't win and Sean Penn did (and of course it gave him his platform to give his political opinions and that was NO surprise), then he thanked everyone else in his life BUT the woman who has stayed by his side , explaining the next day that he kept his speech non personal...ummmmm..using the world stage for his pro gay marriage view wasn't personal? whatever!
In the end, 3 hours later ,it was basically the same show it always is. Long, longer , longest..The glamorous were still glamorous, the red carpet was still red, the Oscar was still gold, and Hollywood is obese from the over indulgent of fat paychecks and fat ego's . I think they should seriously consider changing the Golden statue to a plus size!
see ya next year!!

¡crisol! (the melting pot)

Well, my job hunting saga continues daily as resume after resume is posted, emailed and faxed all over Central Florida. I get a few calls, very few. I may have to end up taking a Spanish course to actually get hired now. Yesterday's Ad's were full of very interesting job prospects and worth sending my resume in BUT because I only speak English I cannot apply. There were so many AD's that I decided to go ahead and post them here just so you can get an idea of the frustration that many job seeker' s must have like me that only know English. I wonder if this is a form of discrimination? What do you think?

*At least 2 years of recent MA experience ,Must speak Spanish fluently

*Bilingual a must.

*Bi-lingual a plus

*We are seeking English, Spanish/English, Cantonese/English, Mandarin/English, Vietnamese/English, and Korean/English bi-lingual telephone interviewers.

*looking for motivated bilinguals

*Candidate must be energetic, computer skills, organized, English/Hindi speaking, and Hard working.

*Bilingual Spanish Receptionist (Cuban dialect preferred)

*Must have flawless English and Spanish

*Must be able to speak fluently in both English and Portuguese as we have a multi speaking office.

*Persons applying MUST be bi-lingual.

*Preferred if person speak Arabic or/and Vietnamese.

*Must speak Englsih and Spanish ( I had to laugh at this one!! you must speak good but not necessarily know how to spell it!!) haha

I do understand that Florida and many states now have multi culture's with many different languages being spoken. America is home to everyone and is the 'melting pot' . I am glad so many can come here and find work and a wonderful place to live, I just want the same thing as well. Maybe the answer is to learn Spanish and quit bitching about it. I suppose it would be a smart thing to do in the long run to find a good job. I will check into it. You can also see by the Ad's that it is more then just knowing Spanish . It's like the "United Nations" around here! If I end up having to learn Spanish,Portuguese, Italian, Hindi or German to get a friggin job at "McDonalds" something is just wrong, so very wrong!! ha ha!! ¿quieres las patatas fritas con esa orden? você quer fritadas francesas com essa ordem? volete le patate fritte con quell'ordine? or wünschst du Pommes-Frites mit diesem Auftrag? ("do you want fries with that?")

Let us have but one end in view, the welfare of humanity; and let us put aside all selfishness in consideration of language, nationality, or religion. ~John Comenius, 17th century philosopher