" Hellmart rising"

Well you all know that I do not have a great love for Walmart..I don't even come close to a like and it is pretty much a hate relationship. ( See previous post Hellmart). You have followed my ridiculous year long search for a job with countless interviews and rejections. We all know its a serious problem out there with mass unemployment and financial hardships. There comes a time when you have to lay down your petty differences, forgive one another and restore relationships. The time has come dear readers. The time of desperation and humbleness has brought me to the edge of the dreaded cliffs of jobless despair. I have been all over Central Florida and applying everywhere from medical offices to grocery stores, hotels, and retail..I have always left one place out..Walmart.........yes, the one place that creates such fear, loathing and anxiety for me that in able to step foot in the front doors I have to be heavily medicated. The worst nightmare I ever had found me locked away in a Walmart prison, clothed in a blue and yellow smiley faced strait jacket, blubbering the words " Save money, live better" over and over as I stared into oblivion. Well my friends I did the unthinkable, I walked slowly over to my computer, I nervously turned in on. My hands shaking , palms sweaty , heart pounding. Then it happened....I threw up!!, and not some whamsy pamsy little upchuck, but something a 'just fed bouncing newborn' would be proud of !! after cleaning up the keyboard I typed in the words Walmart.com SLASH / CAREERS !!!! I was feeling lightheaded and nauseated but I marched on to complete my task. There I was , all alone, by myself, alone, so very alone, in the dark, alone.... ok! snap out of it! I threw some water on myself and hit the enter key. I found myself in a maze of words and instructions. This is Walmart for crying out loud! How hard can it be to fill out their application AND get hired!! I came to a section that was called an 'assessment...ok..So I'm being assessed....I mean how much do you NEED to know to be a greeter?
So with my self esteem at an all time low I started to click my way through the application process.

The test took sometime and as I was filling it out i was thinking to myself why I had to answer such strange questions about procedures and management scenarios. After countless multiple choice questions and personal information given I finished and waited for my results and interview status. Suddenly on the screen with bold letters came a sentence so bizarre, so outlandish, so insulting I thought i was thrown into some sort of alternate universe.
In front of me were the words " you have failed the Walmart assessment"...I starred at it in disbelief! what? I blinked my eyes thinking I was just seeing things, i surely imagined it..i looked again! There it was !! Failed, failed failed!!.........how does one fail an application to Walmart? my head was spinning, my blood pressure rising, my mind boggling from the final low blow this friggin #&*%@ place has given me,the final #@$*& insult,the final *@&*! slap in the face! The words kept printing across my mind! "failed...failed...failed"......I had foul words come to my mind that haven't even been invented yet..This was the nail in the Walmart coffin, the ultimate insult!
I was devastated, humiliated, emotionally drained of any self esteem left in my shattered being. Walmart of all places rejecting me, throwing me aside like a worthless dish rag.. Thirty five years experience in customer service and I am not worthy of the "Walmart standard"...I didn't even know they had one....I walked away from my computer , my head hanging low like a reprimanded puppy wondering where i could possibly apply now.. The only thing that came to mind was the local sewage plant. yes, shit...Might as well....

Yesterday, while I was telling this story to my sister, she tried to kindly tell me that perhaps I was applying in the wrong section and that it was an honest error and to apply again...Thinking about it, I did just that..Being the forgiving and loving person I am I proceeded to answer a very simple multiple choice question.

When greeting the Walmart customer you would say:

a) "Welcome to Walmart, how may I help you?"
b) " why are you here when 'Target' is 5 miles down the road?"
c) " do you always dress that way in public"?
d) "hold on while I take your picture for PeopleofWalmart.com " :(
e) " customer service dept? I'm sorry sir, we don't have one"

Well needless to say...........I failed again! I really suck..